The First Time …


This post was created to the song ‘Buried by the Burden’, by Pacific Heights

The first time you realise that you are different – It is the time you start to come in to who you are; when your individual being begins to unfurl its depth. The world looks strange, yet real for the first time. And you feel the burden of all life’s joy and pain course through you.

The first time that you are abandoned – The time you realise that the world is not always pretty or fair. The time you realise that people cannot always be trusted. The time cynicism enters your being and starts to slowly morph the way you think.

The first time you find a true friend – The time when you realise the richness of existence.

The first time you take a razor to your skin – The moment when you see that red trail form an intricately beautiful pattern on the white. That is the time you discover that seeing your own blood does something morbidly cathartic. The time you begin to think you are not normal.

The first time you fall inlove – When millions of butterflies start dancing rampantly within. You feel your heart open and breathe in the bliss of life. The time you recognise that you have fallen inlove.

The first time you really see the night sky – That singular moment when you gaze upon the black sea, littered with stars, and you realise just how insanely infinite and profoundly amazing the universe is.

The first time you get your heart broken – The time you realise that love does not, in reality, conquer all; that all the movies lied. The time you begin to question everything you’ve ever known or believed. The time you get your first taste of betrayal, and the sickening after-taste that lingers in your soul.

The first time you contemplate if life is worth living – The time when darkness and despair first envelope you and cloak your world.

The second time you fall inlove – The time you realise that love is not simple, that is has many dimensions and levels. The time you begin to know that you can love deeper, and that love can hurt like hell.

The first time you realise that your parents are human – The time you look at them and see the fallibility in them.

The first time someone hurts you intentionally – The time you realise the cruelty man is capable of.

The third time you fall inlove – The time you begin to realise that each experience of love is a precursor to the next – a valued lesson is opening, and a revelation of the self. The time you are hit with the knowledge that the harder you love the more you stand to lose. The time you really come to know just how debilitating love can be.

The first time that death enters your world – The time that death takes away someone you love. This is the time you realise that grief is the only emotion as powerful as love.

The first time you seriously question what the fuck you are doing on this earth – The time you look at everything, and evaluate its meaning. The time you realise what is missing. The time you start yearning for more.

The first time you create, or do, something meaningful – The time you start doing what you were put on this earth to do. The time you first feel fulfilment enter your being, and you are fuelled and inspired by your own capabilities.

The first time you realise that your parents will never change; that this is as good as it is going to get – The time you accept that they are who they are, even with their faults,  and you realise that you love them regardless.

The first time you consider staying in your marriage – The time you begin to doubt your decision to bind yourself to another for life. The time that you must, with insidious clarity, make the decision to give up. The moment you break a heart you once loved – that you shatter another soul to save your own.

The first time you take accountability for your life – The time you stop and look at yourself, and fully realise your mistakes, failings and weaknesses. The time you appreciate that the direction of your life rests on you, and your choices. The time you feel both fallible, and liberated, simultaneously.

The first time you tap your dormant strength – The time you realise you have reservoirs of strength that you had no idea existed in you.

The first time you touch your One – The time your entire world shifts. The time you start to think maybe you were wrong – that maybe soul-mates and twin-flames do exist. The time you realise just how deep human emotion can reach. The time you realise exactly who you are, for you see your own soul mirrored in another. This is the time where you realise that you knew nothing of love until this very moment in your life.

The first time you see the life growing inside you on the ultrasound screen – The first time you hear that heartbeat … it is the time you realise that you are creating life. The time you realise what it is to feel truly blessed.

The first time you hold your child. The time you realise just how powerfully and unconditionally you can love. The time you realise that you would willingly die for another being, without a moment’s hesitation.

The first time you hear your child laugh. The first time you hear the greatest sound in the world. The moment you realise that nothing else matters, as long as that sound is present in your life.

Image: ‘Revelation’, R.J. Oldham, acrylic on canvas

This post was inspired by the word prompt ‘BREAKTHROUGH‘ at The Daily Post.

2 thoughts on “The First Time …”

  1. This was the first thing I read this morning. You summarised so well probably all the key transformations. There are some more I guess which have probably been firsts on others CVs, but these probably make the core. I only haven’t got the ‘harakiri’ one. But the death of a loved one so far has been the most transformative for me. I too am 33 with two kids and this probably makes our journeys so similar. Is it the combination of age and number of ‘firsts’ ticked off that leads to this spiritual insight and delving deeper into our essence, I wonder. Namaste!


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